Sunday, March 12, 2006

A Change is Gonna Come

This past Monday (March 6th) my editor told me that they've decided to push my book back a year.

I smiled at the news, surely making my editor think I was a bit more off-kilter than he could have imagined after reading my memoir. It's funny I told him, yesterday's sermon at church was about patience, the virtue of waiting and putting oneself in a position to make the best of the best opportunity, rather than blindly seizing the first opportunity. Normally, I'd pick at the ideas in the sermon a bit more, but as I sat at dinner listening to my editor talk, I was quite content. He thought he was delivering bad news. I thought he was delivering good news. I am now going to get a chance to produce a better book.

All of this came at a price though: (1) I would have to seriously reorganize my summer now that there was not going to be a book tour; (2) I would have to think strategically how I was going to spend the next year and a half of my life; (3) That decision to keep myself off the dating market until September 06 (the end of the tour) would have to be seriously rethought--yet again; (4) I would have to learn to stop making decisions based on events that are six months away and learn to be comfortable in the present fettle of my life's skin.

Within days the news and what lay before me began settling in. I was gone from the publisher's pages (here and there) which made me think whether this was the first stage toward the eventual end? Then again I remembered the other lesson of that Sunday's s and every other Sunday's sermon, one must have faith, so I kept the faith that this book will come out, and started keeping an eye on what me, what Ferentz, will come out of this process, will emerge from this journey. I got scared. But as the believers like to say, "no weapon formed against me shall prosper."

I don't know about you, but in my experience my fears have been my greatest obstacles. Every girl I never tried dancing with, half the scholarships I never got, half the competitions I never won, were lost, or rather, never gained because my fears amputated my will compete. My fears amputated my chance to receive a blessing.

Then it hit me, this was not only a chance to write a better book, but a chance to become a better writer, and more importantly a better person.

The book may not be arriving in June, but I still got work to do, and I'm still on the grind because as one of the elders so beautifully sang out long before I had a story to tell, "A Change is Gonna Come"
A Change Is Gonna Come
(Sam Cooke)
As Performed Sam Cooke (1964)

I was born by the river in a little tent
And just like the river, I've been running ever since
It's been a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come

It's been too hard living, but I'm afraid to die
I don't know what's up there beyond the sky
It's been a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come

I go to the movie, and I go downtown
Somebody keep telling me "Don't hang around"
It's been a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come

Then I go to my brother and I say, "Brother, help me please"
But he winds up knocking me back down on my knees

There've been times that I've thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Even in disappointment we must, as you have done, recognize the blessing that lies beneath. And once you focus on it you can actually find joy, and in some cases, excitement about what is to come.

“I would have to learn to stop making decisions based on events that are six months away and learn to be comfortable in the present fettle of my life's skin.” I completely relate to this...it’s on the top 5 list of blessing blockers. It’s as if your mind travels ahead one month, three months, one year…and you make decisions today based on what you THINK is going to happen tomorrow. Yes, we must plan and be smart about our decisions, but we have no idea what tomorrow brings. That’s why we live today letting God guide our way and appreciating the wrinkles and the surprises that weren’t in our plan.

“I was gone from the publisher's pages (here and there) which made me think whether this was the first stage toward the eventual end?” Eventual end? God has given you the gift of voice. The only way you will go unheard is if you stop speaking. I’m glad you caught yourself and…”remembered the other lesson of that Sunday's s and every other Sunday's sermon, one must have faith.” This is the lesson every day, not just Sunday. Hold tight to it.

“I don't know about you, but in my experience my fears have been my greatest obstacles.” Also one of the top five. I (also) know this one all too well. Use your faith to conquer your fears!

I am still looking forward to the book…but let me know if I should be trying to get my money back from Amazon. ;-)

Take care of your business.

Leslie said...

SHEESH. Inevitably, I stumble upon something (usually at some crazy hour) that I *need* to stumble upon JUST when I need to stumble upon it. ...I haven't peeked at your site in a minute and did a whirlwind tour of all of those I like to read just now (at this crazy hour).

That said, I understand the sadness that can come from excitement (seemingly) forced to be contained. It is good to "hear," though, that you're most definitely still bubbling over ;o).

Yep. That smiling thru stuff you mentioned = faith in action.

Look at you!

Rich said...

finally you bastard update.
and patienceis greata but don't confuse that with thinking that certain things will to come to you.
but u knew that already

MF said...

All that you touch
You change

All that you change
Changes you

The only lasting truth
Is change

God
Is change

Earthseed, The Books of the Living
Parable of the Sower,Octavia Butler